Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
