How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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