you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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