just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
