We're facebook friends in real life
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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