they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
