Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
