Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
