i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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