dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She told me I should be a condom model.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
