She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
