I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
