One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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