Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
