The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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