my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
