Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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