My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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