You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
