I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
