Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
