Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
