Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
