I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
