Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
