A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
