You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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