I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
