finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sarcasm needs its own font
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
