You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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