just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
