my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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