seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
