it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
