She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
