he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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