Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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