Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
