So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
