Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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