Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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