Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
