Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
