How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
