just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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