turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
