He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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