I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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