I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
