so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
