are you still at the devil's house?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
